June 9, 2017
*The contents of this letter that was sent to my boss were edited. This is the version I wish I could send to her.
I’d just like to express my feelings for the week. As you know from our conversation yesterday that I really felt overwhelmed, pressured and stressed out. I even had an accidental meltdown with Ms. Kate and Ate Mae because I bottled my feelings during class hours. I felt like the world was on my shoulders and that I was failing the kids with their learning and growth.
I want to give up po. I want to leave, resign, quit. But I love this school so much, I love my students so much to let this go. I worked so hard for this opportunity during all my years in school. During all those years when people put me down and discriminated me, belittled me, crushed my spirits, and outcasted me. I worked through all of that because I don’t want anybody to do the same thing that was done to me. I don’t want any child to experience what I have gone through in school.
But sometimes its too much. Last year, I remember that moment when I couldn’t take it anymore. When it was too much. I asked my parents if I could see a therapist, talk to them, figure things out, release. I saw one for a couple of months then felt I could be myself again.
This time I’m beginning to feel like its becoming too much again. And this time I want to really give up. To really leave, resign and quit. I can’t keep this up. I feel like I’m falling apart and I’m turning into someone I don’t like. I’m not happy with what I’m doing anymore. I don’t love it. I don’t feel the passion I once had.